Blank -_- *Sulk-mode*

Yeah,I have been busy.
Actualy not busy but i have hadnt time to profusely think on anything..put my thoughts into. :/ I have been an UTTER WASTE - literally! No gigs..no fun..no basket ball..no hardcore cs :/ Its been a low time.
Changing into a new college,making new friends..yeah,it kinda cool!
VESIT...is a very good college.! A Sophisticated one! Everyone wants to make the full-ulterior use of their time. I being the easy-going....why-are-u-writing-ur-assignment-already? kinda girl :/ I feel a li'l left out.
Xavier's was all bout fun..this transition into a college which is so academia-centric..kinda makes me yawn n bored.
On second thoughts I miss my old friends so much..so much..that at times..there is this"Why am i here" thought screaming in my Hypothalamus.I dont remember the last time i let my hair down ..n jst let it go! Its been so long that i officialy have turned into a "Bore" now.
Poeple on texts and Im's meet me n say "Heya Speedy! ,Whats new?" and u know what,i deliberately try to find something which did make me feel "Yeah,this is different..This is new !" But compiling the facts ..the output comes as a blank screen! NONE!
                                            And when am typing this down too..i am trying to find in the nooks and corner of my brains..dat i might have done something which m missing out on. I havent. N it makes me Cringe.
I realy hope that i get over this.
During these times of crisis ,i penned a lil something :
                  a dew rolled down the leaf,the milkman at the door, the morning glase
                   rubbing my eyes,i awaken my self and i think "Its just a god damned phase"
                   the shower seems cold, the eyes around me too..
                    my heart says it aint a big deal,u have had tougher times..u always get through..
                                       

I miss u PD,JJ,Sheeja,Saiju :* and i need u guys all d time.  I owe so much to u guys..and i Love u so much :'( <3 <3 <3

You've gota know this.

I got paid Last week.
A good 11 grand.
I thought "Wow! this is mine" and then strck "Oh shit! I'l hve to give it to mom".
I went to ATM took the reciept and took the Debit card n went home and gave all of it to mom. Mum said "My child has grown old"and i couldnt help smiing but then the thought of giving all the money was drowning from inside.
Then its jst struck to me how'd ma dad feel wen i wasted all his money..for ma fun.
Going out with friends.Umbrellas(at least a athousand). Shoes (Atleast 3 per month).
Getting caught by the TC forgetting ma pass home. My clothes. My luxuries. Picnics. Books.
My studies which must be in lacs :O
I suddenly felt like giving all the money...all o it.
And then Mom said "Keep it with u...dont spend much. and wen i ask u,u'l ve to have the tab on where n why u spend money" and i gave my mom a big fat hug.
I couldnt beleive i was teary eyed.
 You know,no matter however strict they are,how much ever annoying they could be..YOUR PARENTS ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO LOVE YOU "SELFLESSLY" in evry sense of their word.
And the next time you have a fight with your mom or an arguement with ur dad think obut it..just let it go. They have done too many things for you for em to listn to u telling things which might hurt em.
And its dead right when they say .
          "YOU NEVER KNOW IT UNTILL YOU ARE THE ONE FEELING IT"

Whats with this World? Whats with me?

I travel everyday. I travel Half d day. I come accross the most amazing as well as the most aweful scenarios of life.

The other day at Dadar station a beggar,with no limbs was tryin to eat something out of the left overs of his tiffin. He was struggling. I saw and i found myself helpless. I thought how might he be living....wid everything being such a struggle for him. I ran towards him,i was just bout to get him a vada pav which would have been way  better than the thing in his tiffin,I saw this simple guy..searching for sumthin in his bag. I stood there observing the whole thing.

As about hundred people moving by this guy,with whom life has or was stil not being fair..no one ,no one even thought of helping..I saw this guy who got a spoon outa his bag..n fed dat disabled-half crippled beggar, n i cudnt help smiling. I just could not help thinking that yes! Humanity stil does exist!.

Some days later, i was at Ambernath station...with my friend Saiju. We were waiting for my bro Midhun who always missed getting into the train from thane,as all of us travelled standin on the on the doors of the trains,getting down on each station that came on our side. I saw this little frail nfant on the platform whimpering...probably outta hunger. His mother nearby. Just doing nothing. NOTHING! How could u let your own blood,something that has come into life completly on ur responsibilies,your own flesh whimper and not do nythin bout it. If u cant look after it,why create it and yet,let another life waste and contaminate itself in this sordid world of ours? Why?

Me and Saiju are as usual bankrupt after college. But this good hearted man comes and gives the child a packet of Parle-g. The women instantly snatched the packet and threw the cover of the biscuit towards the child. And its so true when they say "A child is innocence come to life". The child forgot bout evrything started playing with the wrapper and the women ate and ate until she gave the kid the last left biscuit. The biscuit lay on the filthy platform and when i almost lost it. and went to beat the life outa the aweful women she said a line "Its my kid..i'l let it rot to death..what do u have to do?" and it kinda brought me to my senses. I walked back home with tears almost finding their way outa my eyes thinking what did that lil kid have to do with all of this for him to get to live such a life. If he becomes a rapist or a man with low morale or a theif,can we blame him?
The world,the Universe always shows me that no matter how much i tryta conclude something..it suddenly enlightens me with the other side of it.
Seriously,whats with this world? or else should it be,Whats with me?

A lesson :)

HEART - The most Sensitive and the most confused...never focused...filled with excess of emotions( Comes out during those weak alcoholic moments :P ) and the part of us which makes us human!


HEARTBREAK - The Event which makes us cry our eyes out,Suicidal feelings and thoughts..lodsa alcohol in the blood system and cigarette butts findin their way on our couches..Hatred and rage floating in the minds..dissapointment and that "Why-me?" feeling.

Fortunately and luckily..I think,i have known love. And,I have undergone a sore yet relieving( in many ways) heartbreak.
I have had those totaly-in-love,mushy moments. And yeah, i have had a worse heartbreak.
That deep utter aweful feeling which cant be put into words...that "how much i wish it worked out" feel..wants u to hold on.
U know the notion when you know the person whom u cant live without has just left you forever...the tactile sensation that u wont make it without him/her..is one of the most fragile moments of everyone's life.
And when, you have moved on..and you have started living..Smiling..aaah! the kinda acheivemnt! the accomplishmnt! Totally awesome and out of this world.
For me,it has been a lesson..a way of growing up. Now,when i look back..i laugh at how naive i was and feel happy that it was just a phase i had to get through..and through which i had made it...Smiling.
Ofcourse,you're going to get your heart broken. And it isnt just going to happen once,but a  lot. Thats just a part of growing up,to discover the realities in life and face it..straight into its face and it all makes you stronger. You may not get through it yourself,but your friends will help you through it. And you'll be a better person 'cause of it.
Then one someone will come along.and it'l all pay off and no one wil ever break your heart again. :)


FALL IN LOVE.
DONT MISS OUT ON THE MOST BEAUTIFUL EMOTION IN THE UNIVERSE.

And so...

And so, another day flew by..
Living a Mundane Life,Under the blue sky...

And so, his eyes twinkeld...
knowing his love was waiting home....

And so, Tears rolled down...
Striving through the pain of a lost love....

And so, The heart skipped a beat...
watching the Horizon,the sun go down...

And so,felt Happiness..
Living our dreams,come true..

And so,felt Agony..
Seeing Hopes shatter ,through and through..

And so,embraced fear...
Knowing the fragility of our lives...

And so, walked to the Grave...
Memories in the heart,Undefined.

Tada! *drum rolls*

Finaly, i had the balls to write on a grander level and i honestly feel, am gona screw up. But lets not get nywhere there :P

May be, it aint gona be as easy as i feel..but my malfunctioning brain and my self-obsessed heart says lets give it a try.

Well, Am not gona start with what i realy feel and all of those cliched-crap. The blog aint bout me tryna tell what i realy feel and my opinions..I have a lota lovely friends and family with whom i can share EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING( i mean it) so its just going to be my perspective and mostly poems and other short incidences of my life and how they realy have had an impact on me.

And people who are grammaticaly obsessed, may be this place wont be the "perfecto" for you guys. Its just gona be like a simple elaborated msg you get on ur fones :P though am going to try to make it more better everytime.
P.S Crticism,I welcome thou :)

This courage is a lot taken from Joey Filensky and Girish Nair who have unintentionaly made me want to write on a broader perspective. :)